Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  August 2, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

11:35 pm
now for the entire "action news" team, i'm jim gardner. tonight, salma hayek -- mark consuelos -- snoop dogg -- and music from grouplove. with cleto and the cletones. and now, more than likely, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming.
11:36 pm
very good to have you. hey, here's a tidbit i found interesting today. we are now 97 days away from the presidential election. we still have 97 more days of this. i have a 2-year-old daughter. i realized this morning this campaign has been going on for more than half her life. i feel it's been going on for more than half my life now. donald trump is in the middle of so much today i hardly know where to start. first of all, he was talking about bernie sanders. and while he was doing that, he came up with a new nickname for hillary clinton. >> if he would have just not done anything, just go home, go to sleep, relax, he would have been a hero. but he made a deal with the devil. she's the devil. he made a deal with the devil. >> jimmy: i like how he says, it's true. as if he traveled to hell and confirmed it himself. saw her with the shoes off, yep, she's got hooves, she's the devil. calling your opponent the devil, that's going to be tough to reel back in if he loses and has to make a concession speech.
11:37 pm
today i called the devil and congratulated her on her victory. i'm disappointed but we now unite behind our president the devil. if he loses by the way it's going to be the greatest concession speech in history, right? [ cheers and applause ] in the history not just of the united states. "new york times" had a big story about the five deferments trump got to avoid being drafted during the war in vietnam. four of his deferments were because he was in college. the fifth was a melody ferment because he said he had a bone spur in his heel which fortunately healed up the moment the war was over. so his heel healed. i'm surprised he had a bad heel. i assumed his heels would be the best. the best heels ever. but after that story came out a war veteran in virginia approached donald trump and gave him his purple heart. >> a man came up to me, and he handed me his purple heart.
11:38 pm
now, i said to him -- i said to him, is that like the real one? or that is a copy? he said, that's my real purple heart. i have such confidence in you. and i said, man, that's like -- that's like big stuff. i always wanted to get the purple heart. this was much easier. >> jimmy: yeah. definitely. [ laughter ] anybody have a nobel prize they want to give him too? and maybe most damaging of all this stuff, he tweeted this photograph last night. in which he is feasting on kentucky fried chicken with a knife and fork. and a spoon, even. what's more relatable than a man in a suit eating fried chicken with utensils on board his private jumbo jet? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's just like us. i don't know who's advising him. who eats kfc with a knife and
11:39 pm
fork? i don't even need a plate. the reason it comes in a bucket is you don't need anything. all you need is a face to eat kfc. i'll tell you, it's tweets like these that make chris christie very jealous he's not trump's running mate right now. trump has been lashing out at the media. she's reangry with the media lately because they keep reporting all the things he says, which is totally unfair, makes him look bad. the clip you're about to see i think really sums donald trump up. if you were to done donald trump into like a large stock pot and boil him, set him to simmer for a month until he becomes soup, if you were to pour that soup into a snow globe and seal it up forever, this clip what is you would get. >> eye very close to china. i have a biggest bank in the world a tenant of mine in new york. the biggest in the world, a chinese bank. don't worry about that baby, i love babies. i love babies, i hear that baby crying, i like it. what a baby. what a beautiful baby.
11:40 pm
don't worry, don't worry. the moms run around. don't worry about it. it's young and beautiful and healthy and that's what we want. okay, we have the piggy bank. they have ripped us to shreds. ripped us absolutely to shreds. actually i was only kidding, you can get the baby out of here. that's all right. don't worry. i think she really believed me that i love having a baby crying while i'm speaking. that's okay. >> jimmy: it's all there, right? china, a baby, he likes china he likes the baby, he doesn't like the baby. he's kidding, he wasn't kidding. every iota of donald trump was right there in that 60-second clip. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i've never seen a guy running for president flip-flop on babies before.
11:41 pm
and our final moment of trump time tonight comes from ris rally in harrisburg where he slowed him way down for tonight's edition of "drunk donald trump." [ slow music ] [ playing the tape slowly ] >> thinking all the time how am i going to -- and they're turning and tossing and sweating and disgusting. >> jimmy: that trump vodka is strong. the summer olympics start on friday in rio. and the u.s. men's basketball team is getting ready. they beat venezuela in an exhibition game over the weekend by 35 points. afterwards, on the team playing, they celebrated with the number five song from may of 2002. ♪ ♪ and i need you and i miss you ♪
11:42 pm
♪ and now i want to ♪ if i could fall into the sky ♪ would pass me by because you know i'd walk a thousand miles ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. that's quite a feat. carmelo anthony looks like he'd rather have the zika virus than be on that plane. so if that doesn't strike fear into our opponents' hearts, nothing will. we've had a lot of fun so far but we've now reached the educational portion of the program. we recently teamed up with our friend snoop dogg for what has already become a very popular new guessing game. the way it works is we show snoop footage from a factory. we show him film of something getting made. then we ask him to try to figure out what that something was. feel free to guess along. here is this week's edition of "
11:43 pm
"howz it mizzade?" >> snoop dogg coming at you one more time trying to see what the [ bleep ] they making. actually -- wait a minute -- is that cocaine? onnering to make some rocks? hold on. this is -- wait, wait, what is this? looks like they're making -- cement sculptured light poles. fire hydrants. piggy banks. what is this? ice cream. oh -- a workman's hat. a lightbulb. a toilet. what in the [ bleep ] is this? yarn. i can't figure this [ bleep ] out for nothing in the world, dog. i'm trying my best too. liquids. oh, a bowling ball! y'all got me with that [ bleep ], that was tight.
11:44 pm
now that's how you make a [ bleep ], [ bleep ] bowling ball. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, snoop. we have to take a break. when we come back we go deep into the new season of "bachelor in paradise" and nate diaz of the ufc confronts his haters face-to-face. so stick around, we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [bell rings] i like to use my backpack as a basketball! i use mine as a science experiment! as an emergency umbrella. to help feed a friend. a drum solo! i just use my backpack for books and stuff.
11:45 pm
embark backpacks. guaranteed for one year. create your own tour of italy is only at olive garden.99, choose 3 of 9 of our favorite italian dishes to get everything you want, all on one plate. plus unlimited salad and breadsticks. hurry in and create your own tour. offer ends soon. olive garden. time is the most valuable thing there is. [cuckoo cuckoo] people try to beat time... [scream] ...but time always wins. our greatest fear is running out of time. there's a bomb in the salsa can! we gotta get out of here! my phone's still charging! so if time is the most valuable thing there is, why would you waste more than you have to charging your phone? why would you waste more than you have to charging your phone? [explosion] [explosion] ahhhhhhhh! the galaxy s7 edge, with fast wireless charging and our longest lasting battery. ♪
11:46 pm
♪ starbucks® cold brew coffee. available in original black. and now with house-made vanilla sweet cream. smooth meets sweet. in stores now. only at starbucks. cottonelle asked real people their what? (laughs) (laughs) what does cleanripple texture do? catches all the stuff that you want to get out. this is really nice. this one is, like, it goes the extra step. it gets it all clean. how does being clean feel? kind of sassy. uh, breezy. hands up. weeeeeee. my bum is saying, "thank you very much." cleanripple texture is designed to clean better. go cottonelle, go commando.
11:47 pm
the new cmade with 100%ts white meat chicken, no artificial preservatives, flavors and colors, it just might convince the judges here today. (crowd cheers) and they've done it! the new chicken mcnuggets rightfully claim their gold! this is the best day- with simply right checking from santander bank, just make one deposit, withdrawal, transfer,
11:48 pm
or payment each month to waive the monthly fee. and there's no minimum balance. you're alright with simply right checking from santander bank. ♪ are you feeling alright, baby? ♪ >> jimmy: cleto and the cletones, that sounds great,
11:49 pm
thank you very much. also tonight, salma hayek, mark consuelos, music from grouplove. tonight on abc we were treated to the premiere of the new season of "bachelor in paradise" followed by tomorrow night's std results show. it's all part of the package. if you're not familiar with "the bachelor in paradise" they send a bunch of borderline personality reject friday "the bachelor" and "the bachelorette" on vacation together and get them drunk and let the magic happen. one episode in already this is the best show on television. starting with a physically fit but mentally not so much canadian named daniel. ♪ >> i'm back, america. canada's invading. we're taking over. my name's daniel. i'm 31 years old. i was on jojo's season of "the bachelorette." can't get rid of me. i'm like a disease that just won't go away. like herpes or something. i don't know if i want to be associated with herpes, but you
11:50 pm
know. it's treatable nowadays so it's not a buying deal, right? >> jimmy: right, right. bottom line, don't get in the hot tub with daniel. so daniel's buddy from "the bachelorette," the monster known as bad chad, was in the house. daniel was the only guy on "the bachelorette" who seemed to like chad. in mexico things got off to a rocky start. >> i just want to make out with -- >> you're not making out with anyone tonight. impossible -- >> i already made out with her. >> yeah, you did. you have a better chance of making out with a turtle than a girl tonight. you really haven't -- your chances are slim to none. >> you're making me want to throw your ass down. [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. >> being honest and realistic with you. >> no, [ bleep ] off, man. serious, man. i'm [ bleep ] serious. >> you better not swing at me like that again, bro, i'll take you down. i'll take you down in chinatown! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: take you down.
11:51 pm
i like the thought process there. i'll take you down. i'll take you down to chinatown! threats are scarier when they rhyme in general. so chad got so out of control the next morning chris harrison had to convene a special group meeting about it which led to maybe the most shocking thing chris harrison has ever said on the show. >> this was a second chance for everybody to come in here and find love. >> right, that's why we're here. >> this was also a second chance for you. we all came here to be in paradise. in a matter of one night, you have turned this into hell. being belligerent to the staff of this hotel -- >> huh? i was friendly to the staff of the hotel. >> you told everybody at this hotel last night to suck [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: well, you know. you say that kind of thing to the hotel staff, you will not get one of those chocolates on your pillow at night. so chris had to tell chad he's going home.
11:52 pm
fortunately chad handled that with dignity and grace. >> you're making this a lot worse than it needs to be. >> no, you come here and make me look like a bitch, and you act like you see me, you didn't even watch it, you went to sleep with a mill moles so and a robe on, you didn't even watch the show. you think this is fun and games? this is my life. you're going to try to make me look like a bitch [ bleep ]? you, chris harrison, come at me. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i wish he had. or i'm glad he didn't come at him. i don't know. is it too late for donald trump to change running mates? while we're on the subject of fighting, there is a big ufc match coming up two weeks from saturday in vegas. ufc 202. it is the much-anticipated rematch between conor mcgregor and nate diaz. nate diaz won the first bout. mcgregor is slightly favored to win this bout. we went on the street and we talked to a bunch of fans who think conor mcgregor is going to win. while they were talking smack
11:53 pm
about nate diaz and how great conor is, we had nate sneak up behind them. this is "what's up with nate diaz." >> ufc 202. conor mcgregor versus nate diaz. who's going to win and how? >> i think conor's going to knock him the hell out. i'm excited. i'm ready to see ufc 202. conor's going to whoop him, i'm ready, let's go. whoa! oh, whoa. >> i don't know why you want me to get knocked out. >> what's going on here? >> nate, what's up? you're going to be great. >> now, man. >> represent! >> it's all good. >> i like this guy a lot too, though. i did say that right? i said that. >> no you didn't say that. >> i love conor mcgregor, he's definitely going to knock out nate diaz at 202. it's going to be a completely different fight this time. >> he's going to knock him out?
11:54 pm
>> he's going to knock him out. there he is. >> conor's going to be more patient and not take him for granted like he did last name. last time he was taken for granted. this time conor's going to take his time. nate diaz i think is going to be the more confident one because he's the lucky one, got that lucky fight in. oh [ bleep ]! >> he's got the powers right here, get a picture. >> that's nate diaz right there. >> that's right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: see diaz versus mac greg over ucufc 202. we have music from grouplove, mark consuelos is here, be right back with salma hayek so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
11:55 pm
>> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by captain morgan. join the movement to let people under 35 be president by signing the petition at right now get a free samsung galaxy for everyone in the family. you heard right a free samsung galaxy with every new line. and get 4 lines with 6 gigs each - for just 30 bucks a line. plus everybody gets unlimited streaming from their favorite services. don't wait - get a free samsung galaxy for everyone. get to t-mobile because the galaxy free for all is only for a limited time. that's all i crave.e that's where this comes in. only nicorette gum has patented dual-coated technology for great taste. plus nicorette gum gives you intense craving relief. and that helps put my craving in its place. that's why i only choose nicorette. our biggest event of the year just got better!
11:56 pm
♪ i'm free to do what i want and have a good time. ♪ announcing zero for seventy-two across the entire lineup of ford cars, trucks and suvs. so hurry in for 0% financing for 72 months. that's freedom from interest... and freedom to choose with ford. america's best selling brand. ♪ i'm free, baby! now get 0% financing for 72 months across the entire lineup of ford cars, trucks and suvs, during the ford freedom sales event.
11:57 pm
11:58 pm
11:59 pm
but so we don't have tormin wad to get clean. charmin ultra soft gets you clean without the wasteful wadding. it has comfort cushions you can see that are softer... ...and more absorbent, and you can use up to 4 times less. enjoy the go with charmin. ♪
12:00 am
>> jimmy: sitting in with cleto and the cletones, she has a band with ritchie sambura. >> that's right. >> jimmy: i'm a genius. tonight from the new movie "nine lives" and the forthcoming tv show "pitch," mark consuelos is here. all wait from los angeles, california, this is their new album, it's called "big mess." grouplove from the samsung outdoor stage. tomorrow night, hugh grant will be here tomorrow. nicky glazer, music from miranda lambert. thursday, morgan freeman, music from young the giant. so please join us for all that. our first guest is an oscar nominee who makes every day feel like feliz 1/2i dad. starting august 12th she lends voice to a taco in "a sausage
12:01 am
party." please welcome salma hayek! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you doing? very good to see you. i was joke about you playing a taco but you are playing a taco. >> i am playing a taco, yes. >> jimmy: you were born in mexico. >> correct. >> jimmy: you're part lebanese. >> yes. >> jimmy: your husband is french. >> yes. >> jimmy: your daughter is american. >> yes. >> jimmy: how many passports do you personally hold? >> when we travel it's like when you're watching those movies, those people that need to get away and they go to the safe and they have this pile of different passports? this is my family. traveling from place to place. >> jimmy: so when it comes to the olympics which are starting this weekend, who do you root, which country do you root for? >> ah, this is tricky. >> jimmy: yes. >> i have to root always first for mexico.
12:02 am
>> jimmy: okay. because that's where you're born. [ cheers and applause ] >> and also because the mexican athletes don't get the support that the american or the french or the english athletes get. >> jimmy: gotcha. >> so really, they have so much merit. to get to the olympics. >> jimmy: it's harder. it's harder than it is here in the united states. >> it's harder, much harder. >> jimmy: what is the big sport? is it socker that mexicans are most excited about? >> yes. i mean, we're very good at some strange ones like archery. >> jimmy: really? >> athletics, we'll walk forever, you know. all the training, crossing back and forth. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: also diving. but i'm a huge soccer fan. so for me, soccer. we have this amazing experience in brazil. because we got to have the last
12:03 am
game, games brazil for the gold medal. this was a very important day in my life. >> jimmy: was it? >> yes, and my husband, my whole family had come over for the summer. >> jimmy: where were you? >> i was here in l.a. when i say my whole family, the mexicans know that's not likely. that's a lot of people in one house. [ laughter ] >> and my husband had arrived like 2:00 in the moneying and the game was really early. then he was jet lagged and he couldn't sleep. oh my god, i was nervous that i was going to be too tired for the game. and finally, you know, we went to sleep. but i didn't -- i couldn't wake him up because he went to sleep like two hours before the game. and then i woke up really early. and it was like a conspiracy. none of the televisions were working. >> jimmy: oh. >> except the one in our bedroom. >> jimmy: oh. >> so i said to my 200 members of the family -- [ laughter ] and the people that work in the house also wanted to watch the game.
12:04 am
we're going to go into my bedroom but everybody has to be super quiet. [ laughter ] i am going to put the television in mute. you just got to watch and just keep it to yourself. francois is going to be sleeping there. and i don't want him to see that we're all invading the room. so everybody came, sat on the floor. there was no space. people started sitting on the bed. he didn't know. he was cuddling with my father. then the game started. and then mexico scored. first they were all quiet. but then they couldn't hold it. score! he jumped out of bed. >> jimmy: wow. i. >> and saw all these mexicans in his bed, in the bedroom. he was terrified. and once we saw he was awake we start doing the mexican wave and everything, you know. and we just had a party. and we won. >> jimmy: and you won. [ cheers and applause ]
12:05 am
>> one medal for mexico. >> jimmy: wow. you have a very understanding husband. what is the difference between the mexican wave and just the wave? >> the wave, it's something you have stolen from the mexicans. >> jimmy: oh. >> there is not such a thing as just -- it is the mexican wave that you guys do. >> jimmy: i don't think so. i think we invented it. >> no. we invented the wave. >> jimmy: we invented it. >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: yeah. guillermo, who invented the wave? this is going to be a tough question for guillermo. [ laughter ] there's a lot at stake here, guillermo. in a way this is like when they put a puppy on the floor and it has to choose which parent to go to after the divorce. who invented the wave? >> guillermo: mexico did. 1986. [ cheers and applause ] >> another world cup. >> jimmy: not exactly a google search by the way. >> if you have doubts you tell
12:06 am
me what is the difference between the mexican wave and the wave. what is the difference? >> jimmy: well, there are mexican people doing it i guess is the only difference. but i think -- i've heard that it was invented in like 1981 up in northern california and washington, in those areas, which is before 1986. thank you! [ cheers and applause ] >> no. they were not playing soccer in 1981 in northern california and washington. >> jimmy: i didn't say it was for soccer. it's for football. the real football. [ cheers and applause ] the one where you do this. >> if that's the real football, why do they play it with their hands? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good point. >> don't get me started. >> jimmy: oh, you don't like football? >> i love football. >> jimmy: you love football? >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: i don't want to fight, i feel this was our first fight, it's exciting in a way. >> i like it. >> jimmy: all right, you know what, let people decide at home who invented the wave. maybe we'll do a little wave as
12:07 am
we go into commercial. salma hayek is here. the movie is called "sausage party." we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hey there. hi, i'm looking for a deal on an iphone... ...i was thinking, something along these lines. oh, okay. well, how about this? here's my answer. is this you with a dinosaur body? it's just me with happy hands... it just means i'll take it. right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line. ♪ ♪ ♪
12:08 am
starbucks® small-batch cold brew coffee. in stores now. at our retirement plan today. not now! i'm cleaning the oven! yeah, i'm cleaning the gutters! washing the dog! washing the cat! well i'm learning snapchamp! chat. chat! changing the oil... (vo) it's surprising what people would rather do than deal with retirement. pressure-washing the... roses. aerating the lawn! (vo) but with nationwide it's no big deal. okay, your retirement plan is all set. nationwide? awesome. nice neighborhood. ♪ nationwide is on your side lliz assumed all dressings were made equal.. assume nothing. unlike some other guys, these kraft dressings have no artificial flavors no synthetic colors no wonder it tastes so good. walking to school is serious business.
12:09 am
especially on class picture day! you have to stay clean. [dogs barking] you've gotta be responsible. whoa! and no matter what, be on time. it's no big deal for a second grader. cat and jack uniforms. guaranteed for one year. ♪
12:10 am
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ take on any road with intuitive all wheel drive the nissan rogue, murano and pathfinder. ♪
12:11 am
12:12 am
12:13 am
all these rules. some of them stop us from doing the things we want. causing our deepest urges to be depressed when they are gathering like wildfire between our legs. >> did you say between our legs? >> look, brenda. i'm going to come clean. i have feelings for you i can't deny. crotch feelings. >> crotch? >> sorry, but i'm not a soft taco, i'm a hard, horny taco. >> jimmy: salma hayek, "sausage party." that was a hot dog bun played by kristen wiig. this is your first time playing a lesbian taco? >> yes, it is. yes, it is. quite an adventure. >> jimmy: did you know what your character would look like when you got involved in this? >> no. i knew -- in mexico, for the mexicans, a taco, it's always a soft taco. it's always round. even if it's a flauta and it's
12:14 am
kind of hard, it's still one shape. i assumed that was going to be my shape. because with this taco shell form, it's invented here, that you can take credit for. la [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you invented the hard -- >> jimmy: the hard taco. >> the hard, horny taco. >> jimmy: those aren't horny tacos, they're just tacos. >> they are hard. >> jimmy: they are hard, that's true. >> i'm doing it again. this character brings out the worst in me. >> jimmy: does your husband know about this film? >> no. >> jimmy: he does not. >> i kept it really secret. and he looked at the internet. what this is sausage party movie? they're making a mistake. i said, it's just the voice, it's an animated movie. he's going to discover how dirty it is at the premiere. >> jimmy: will he be amused?
12:15 am
>> i think she'll be shocked. really when they offered me this part i was nervous. because it's so naughty. >> jimmy: it is. >> i say, i don't know that i can say those -- oh my god, i'm going to be nervous to say those things. and once they got me improvising, i was so surprised at myself of the things that i came up with. [ laughter ] that would come out of my mouth. that were dirtier than what they wrote. so i definitely have it in me. >> jimmy: your husband owns a soccer team, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: which team does he own? >> he owns a team called ren. this is one of the reasons yes fell in love with him because i knew that i had another soccer passionado that i could live with and we could watch all the games. >> unless he was sleeping, of course. >> unless he was sleeping. he started taking me to the games in france and i discovered it was a whole different experience. first of all, we went where all the important people go. sarkozy. i met them all in this special place.
12:16 am
and i knew going to the soccer games in mexico, you know, everybody goes crazy. here they were all sitting like this. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> and of course things are happening and i'm going, all excited about it, and then francois is like, baby, baby -- calm down, calm. calm down. and everybody's like this. and finally there's a goal. and you know what they say when there's a goal in french? they're like this. boot! and i'm going, goal! >> jimmy: boot? boot, really? >> be careful. >> jimmy: what does that mean? >> be careful. because i think i heard you say poot. that's a whole other thing. >> jimmy: oh, that is, okay. >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: boot? >> boot, not a "p." >> jimmy: like the boot you wear on your foot? >> yes, like that. because with the "p" it's -- how
12:17 am
do you say this -- it's like a prostitute but -- >> jimmy: like a putan, i know what you're saying. >> don't say poot, say boot. and then i'm like, i'm not going to be like you, i'm full of passion. then he showed me the pictures. of people making fun of me. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> and i have never watched myself watching soccer. i was like -- [ laughter ] >> it was horrendous. it was so hard to confront yourself with your image taken by others. when you are in this moment of suffering and passion, it was horrendous. so after i was more composed in the games, except for the next game that we went. it was another historical game. we were playing against paris
12:18 am
and we lost a couple of players and it was nine against 11. and we won. and i held it together so well. but at the end everybody's very composed and i'm like, bah-hah-hah! >> jimmy: that's better than boot. way better than boot. salma hayek, everybody! "sausage rising" coming out soon. be right back with mark consuelos! because safe drivers cost less to insure, which saves money. they let you pay your bill electronically, which saves postage, which saves money. they settle claims quickly, which saves time, which saves money. and they offer home and auto insurance, so you can bundle your policies, which saves money. esurance was born online and built to save. and when they save, you save. that's auto and home insurance for the modern world. esurance, an allstate company. click or call.
12:19 am
the new cmade with 100%ts white meat chicken, no artificial preservatives, flavors and colors, it just might convince the judges here today. (crowd cheers) and they've done it! the new chicken mcnuggets rightfully claim their gold! this is the best day- ♪♪ thank you for your song. ♪ i hope i provided mine. ♪ ♪
12:20 am
cottonelle asked real people their what? (laughs) (laughs) what does cleanripple texture do? catches all the stuff that you want to get out. this is really nice. this one is, like, it goes the extra step.
12:21 am
it gets it all clean. how does being clean feel? kind of sassy. uh, breezy. hands up. weeeeeee. my bum is saying, "thank you very much." cleanripple texture is designed to clean better. go cottonelle, go commando. what if i told you there was a car companyawards. that received all of these awards? one company won an award in all of these? chevy. ahhhh! chevy chevrolet is the most awarded car company over the last two years. i love it! i'm just going to stay in here, is that okay? this summer find your tag and get 16% of msrp cash back on select remaining 2016 vehicles in stock. that's over $4,100 cash back on this all new 2016 chevy malibu. find new roads at your local chevy dealer.
12:22 am
craso come dive into disheser like the new alaska bairdi crab dinner with sweet crab from the icy waters of alaska. or try crab lover's dream with tender snow and king crab legs. love crab? then hurry, crabfest ends soon.
12:23 am
♪ >> jimmy: our next guest is an unreasonably handsome man currently on leave from his family in new york to work on a new tv show in l.a. it's a baseball drama called "pitch." it premieres in september on fox. please welcome mark consuelos! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
12:24 am
>> jimmy: how are you doing? did you chat with salma hayek at all? >> i didn't but i realize this is a very mexican episode of jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: it really is. [ laughter ] guillermo has had a grin on his face since salma hayek left the studio that is -- >> guillermo: what a body, oh my god. >> jimmy: i shouldn't argue with you. >> you were right by the way. >> jimmy: i should have kept my mouth shut. >> back at home, albert my partner play this game, he said if you are gay who would you be gay with? i said salma hayek. he goes, you can't do that. >> jimmy: wait a minute. >> yes, i can. i would be a gay guy with a girlfriend. and she'd be salma hayek. >> jimmy: can i tell you i'm a little hurt any thought for sure you were going to say me. turns out -- >> yeah, not even close. >> jimmy: sorry, you're not my gay guy, then. guillermo, you're back at the top of the list.
12:25 am
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the show you're doing is about -- it's an interesting idea. it's called "pitch." it's about the first female major league baseball player. >> yeah. >> jimmy: she's a pitcher. >> yes. >> jimmy: this is based on someone who made the minor leagues? or -- >> no, no, it's completely fictional. what's cool is major league baseball is a partner with the show. all the logo in the stadiums are major league. >> jimmy: that's great. >> growing up we'd watch a show about football or baseball and it would be the st. louis demons. >> jimmy: right. >> it took you out of it. >> jimmy: it feels wrong, it feels fake. >> i shot at dodger stadium the other day, it was amazing. >> jimmy: did you get to play baseball? >> i'm an old guy. so i'm the general manager. i'm an ex-player. initially i was very excited, i get to be a ball player! they're like, dude, you're retired. you're 45. >> jimmy: i think you could get away with it. >> i think so. >> jimmy: did you get to go on the field? >> i walk around a little bit. >> jimmy: you walked around.
12:26 am
you have real players on the show? i think they're going to have some big players. i can't name -- i can't tell you who it's going to be but big players? they won't be like "the brady bunch" where somebody knocks on the door, wow, it's don drysdale? >> yes. yes, i remember that episode. >> jimmy: it makes sense that you're doing this on fox. because they have baseball. they have the playoffs and the world series and that kind of thing. >> yeah they do. there's a lot of synergy if that's the word. >> jimmy: have you ever worked for fox before? >> no, but it's funny, i had to go to sexual harassment training. >> jimmy: to learn how to do it? >> to learn how to do it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the night before, i'd never had to do this. i call monday i wife. she said, listen. anything you think about saying or doing at the meeting, don't do that. don't say it. you're not that funny. it's going to be wrong. and she was right, i went in there and i am scared to death. i have to rethink everything that i do.
12:27 am
>> jimmy: how many people are in this meeting? >> there was 40 or 50 people. >> jimmy: is this because of roger ailes that they have this now? >> i'm not sure. i mean, after the meeting iing if it wasfigured it was a good >> jimmy: did anybody screw around? >> there was a meeting for the people after the meeting that were screwing around. like, you guys are going to say. >> jimmy: really? >> we had a couple of old-timers. if somebody's doing something to a girl, should i just punch them in the face? like, you're staying after for another hour. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you were in this movie with kevin spacey. kevin spacey turns into a cat. >> his finest work. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "night life." >> kaiser sose and frank underwood turns into a cat, it's amazing. >> jimmy: how the hell? >> i don't know, i work with my favorite director, barry sonnen feld. >> jimmy: directing a movie in which kevin spacey turns into a cat. >> christopher walken's in the movie.
12:28 am
>> jimmy: he is? >> we've talked about this before, i have a bit of a narcolepsy problem. >> jimmy: right. me too. >> we're both narcoleptic. when you came to my house, i fell asleep. >> wondered why you weren't looking at me. >> anyway, i'm tendered, we have to do the table read, an hour and 20 minutes. that's a long table read. i'm going to fall asleep. >> jimmy: that's where it's really hard to stay aweek. >> they sat he next to christopher walken. i was so excited. christopher walken's doing christopher walken during the whole table read. he's doing that thing. >> jimmy: right, sure. because he has no choice. >> he has no choice. and i sat next to him at a party. like 15 years ago. and back then, when regis was on the show, he was kind of our social director. >> jimmy: regis was, okay. >> we went to senior citizen parties, old parties. i say that with love, i do, i say that with love. one of my favorite people, we went to judge judy's house for a party. >> jimmy: okay. >> i love her.
12:29 am
>> jimmy: i love it already. >> i sat next to christopher walken. >> jimmy: wow, christopher walken was at judge judy's house? >> so 15 years ago -- >> jimmy: wow. >> you know when you trade geography with someone it never works out. they never remember, like i don't know who you are. if you're friends with someone, you mention, it never works out. >> jimmy: christopher walken, you wonder if he remembers to put his shoes on. >> exactly. this night scene in montreal. literally, we do it, and he's amazing, and we're doing the scene. he'd wander off into the streets of montreal. they'd have to corral him. he'd wander off. >> jimmy: christopher's walking, literally. >> it's 3:30 in the morning. and there's a little bit of a -- he's got his process. all of a sudden he becomes very lucid. he goes, i sat next to you 15 years ago at judge judy's house and we talked about this, that. i'm like, my god, you remember that? he goes, yeah. then zip, back. started wandering off. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
12:30 am
>> jimmy: wow. amazing. wow. mark consuelos, everybody. watch the show "pitch," september 22nd on fox. be right back with grouplove! >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung.
12:31 am
it's a pretty simple question: is pat toomey's agenda your agenda? toomey voted seven times to defund planned parenthood. he even tried to shut down the federal government in order to eliminate funding for planned parenthood. and toomey's against a woman's right to choose and supports overturning roe v. wade which would allow states to criminalize abortion. pat toomey: he's focused on his own agenda, not us. majority forward is responsible for the content of this advertising.
12:32 am
>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i want to thank salma hayek, mark consuelos. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. thanks to ariana, you were fantastic. "nightline" is next. first their album "big mess" comes out september 9th. here with the song "welcome to your life," group is there love! ♪ ♪ ♪ we're back in business you're such a big mess
12:33 am
and i love you yeah i love you ♪ ♪ we're back in business you're such a big mess and i love you yeah i love you ♪ ♪ mean man promised land nothing but a devil's hand trying to keep saying i feel okay ♪ ♪ telling myself this now for days ♪ ♪ mean man machine man i've been nothing but a puppet's hand but nothing ever comes ♪ ♪ without a change ♪ welcome to your life yeah yeah it could be a fantasy yeah yeah ♪ ♪ welcome to your world my girl let it be your fantasy oh yeah ♪ ♪ we're back in business
12:34 am
you're such a big mess and i love you yeah i love you ♪ we're back in business you're such a big mess and i love you la la love you ♪ ♪ been wondering i take a chance that chance is circumstance cause nothing ever comes ♪ ♪ without a change welcome to your life yeah yeah it could be a fantasy ♪ ♪ yeah yeah welcome to your world my girl let it be your fantasy ♪ ♪ oh yeah yeah i've figured it out i've seen the unknown like a shot in the dark ♪ ♪ i'll carry you home
12:35 am
ask a wise man he'll say what's been done all the roads in the world ♪ ♪ were made by the young by the young ♪ ♪ hey here's the deal we're back in business ♪ ♪ hey here's the deal we're back in business ♪ hey here's the deal you're such a big mess ♪ ♪ and i love you yeah i love you welcome to your welcome to your ♪ ♪ welcome to your world my girl let it be your fantasy oh yeah ♪
12:36 am
♪ welcome to your life yeah yeah it could be a fantasy oh yeah ♪ ♪ to welcome to your ♪ welcome to your ♪ ♪ welcome to your ♪ yeah yeah
12:37 am
this is "nightline." >> tonight, the soldiers blasting donald trump for his purple heart comments today. this on the heels of the republican nominee's lashing out at the muslim american family that appeared at the democratic convention last week. why the military is once again being drawn into presidential politics. and what trump is saying about the controversy now. plus, the lightning riders. skydiving like you've never seen different. the thrill-seeker diving into the center of the storm just for the perfect shot. but in the legendary lethal storms of central florida, are these high-flying stunts worth the risk? and for the love of the film. these "star wars" fans take their devotion to the next level putting their hearts and souls an


info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on